I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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