What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
