I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
