im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
