i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
