dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
