I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
