We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
