No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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