Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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