I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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