I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there is glitter all over my balls
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
