She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
