mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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