At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
