I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
