I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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