"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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