Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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