evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
