i don't like sucking hair
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
