dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
