It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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