I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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