We should be called the Road Head Warriors
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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