I'm eating all of the evidence.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
