Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
