i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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