So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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