bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Are my feet made of real feet?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
