Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
