She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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