you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
