So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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