i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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