upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
