im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
