you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
