1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
should my penis look like a turkey
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
