just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I didn't shave. On purpose
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
