just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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