I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
