Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is classic penis vs brain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
