Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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