Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
