There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
