I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
