my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
