i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
