You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
