No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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