we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
