He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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