they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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