ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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