The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
