and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
