She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
