Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
