Please, let me fuck your mom
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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