My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
