Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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