my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
