Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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